I know, I know. You’re thinking: seriously, another f*cking Mommy blog?!? Don’t worry, I’m thinking the same thing. Rest assured, I’m not here to push fancy baby products down your throat. No ass-wipe warmers in this house; we’re raising a real man who has to deal with real shrinkage. And, for the safety of all involved, I’m definetely not here to give you any parenting tips on how best to raise a pablum-crusted monkey. That would mean I know what the hell I’m doing. I don’t.
When it comes to motherhood and marriage, a sense of humour and a glass (or three) of wine are as neccesary as a nice pair of underwear on the first date (Did I say first date? I meant third. Or whatever the number is so I don’t make myself sound too slutty). So if you’re able to laugh about the stupid things in life, this blog’s for you!
If anything, I need a place to wine while I whine about the perils of parenthood, life in general, and all the weird shit that happens to me.
Really if there’s only one reason why you should read my blog, it’s this: to improve your own self-confidence. Trust me, my life is guaranteed to make you feel better about your own. It’s like one long episode of Jerry Springer… except I know who the Baby Daddy is. Although there was a lot of wine involved that night, so one can never be entirely sure without a Maury Pauvich intervention!
So drop by every so often for a glass n’ a laugh. I totally welcome pity followers so I can feel popular. If not, I can always depend on my Mama to be my #1 fan. She ain’t no fool. She knows it’ll be me who ultimately decides on which retirement home I’ll commit her to, and more importantly WHEN I decide to lock her up. I’m like her very own Santa… she has to be nice to me all year, every year.
So pour your poison and let’s fall into oblivion together. One should never blog alone.