I woke this morning with a warm ray of sunshine beaming down on me from the heavens’ above. A message from a higher power, no doubt… something big was happening in the world today. Alas, ’tis true my friends. We Commoners were blessed with the majestically ridiculous photo of Beyoncé and her divine twins.
To be honest, at first I thought it was MY post-birth photo! I mean, there’s the obvious… the trillion dollar angelic arc of flowers that I like to perch under daily, as a reflection of my innocence and purity, of course.
But at a closer glance, I noticed some SUBTLE, subtle, differences between Beyoncé and myself post-baby… Like the vomit that flowed down my back, neck, arms, and shoulders like soft wet velvet, nestling into my muffin top stomach rolls like a warm puddle of royal fluid. Or perhaps the fact that I hadn’t slept for more than 10.3 minutes a day, or showered, therefore looked and smelled like an extra from the Walking Dead… and NO amount of makeup or air brushing or Photoshop was going to fix this hot mess. Or maybe the fact that my boobs were the size of watermelons, leaking like a broken faucet, and on fire… fire!!! Or that within a nanosecond of ejecting my child from my womb, I inexplicably aged 40 years with the lines on my face getting deeper and deeper with every breathe of life my new child sucked out of me. Or that every time a camera was around, my trifecta demon baby would scream, barf and shit all at the same time while lovingly craddled in my arms. Or that I was wearing a maxi pad that was so full of maternal love that I walked around like I had a canoe between my legs… although I’m sure the fishnet granny panties made up for this in all the right sexy places. And finally, unlike Beyoncé who surely drinks water used to part the Dead Sea, I reverted to wine as my survival juice of choice.
So naturally, other than the above minor differences, I almost mistook the picture as my own. I mean, I too have a baby… and two legs (albeit more swollen) and a heartbeat (although I’m sure Bey’s is made of gold… literally!). Perception versus Realitynis a funny thing, one that we cannot lose sight of in this dog-eat-dog social media world.
But in all seriousness, put aside the God-like display that the world was blessed with today… At the end of the day, we DO have something in common with Beyoncé. We are all Moms. Period. All of our bodies handle pregnancy differently. And some of us had our babies delivered as a gift through adoption or surrogacy. Some choose ridiculous photos shoots. Some take a gazzilion baby selfies. The one commanality across the world is we Moms all have a fierce love for our children, and we Moms are equally as fierce as women. And that… and that alone is fantastically magestical in itself!
Cheers, Red Whino
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