Today’s Level of Parenting: A++

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So today I scored an A++ as a mother. Ya, that’s right… I killed it. A solid respectable 100%. The kind of score that puts the good ole’ bell curve into a tailspin.

Now don’t you go thinking it’s cause I’m one of ‘dem super-duper moms. Nope. There was no DIY crafting or sensory bin explorations. My children were not dressed in cute matching stiff-collared Banana Republic ensembles. And they certainly weren’t eating organic tree bark from an organic store. I didn’t bake high-fructose free, chemical-pesticide free or GMO-free treats for their recreational sports teams. Nor did I volunteer for any of the 8,472 volunteer things I always get asked to volunteer for every second of every day!

No. Infact, it was quite the opposite. After a breakfast that consisted of sugary yogurt drinks and sugary cereal, we set off for a totally unplanned, non-scheduled, non-Pinterest kind of summer day. As for dress attire… Boy#3 never made it out of his PJs, Boy#2 refused to wear underwear (or pants for that matter), and Boy#1 insisted on socks with sandles… which happened to be my high-heeled ones.

In addition to our unhealthy, fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants day (ironic with one kid not actually wearing pants, non?), some other gold star moments happened, which inevitably worked towards my perfect A++ Mom Score.

Last night, when the kids asked me what the weather was going to be like today, I said, “Hot. So hot you can fry an egg on the ground”. Well, if there’s one thing my kids and I have, it’s trust. Fast forward to this morning, I made the rookie mistake of turning my back for 45 seconds to change the toddler’s diaper, et voilà Thing 1 and Thing 2 tried to fry an egg… on the kitchen floor!

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I then had the nerve to go for a pee. I know, right? And not a “Take my phone. Take my time” kind of pee. No, it was a “I have 3 boys jacked on sugar” nanosecond kind of pee. I am very aware that my absence is like a ticking time bomb. Only today, my toddler had just enough time to grab 2 handfuls of wet (WET!) catfood and shove it down the vent. To make matters worse, as I launched myself across the room in slow motion with a deep “nooooooo”… I stepped on a piece of Lego. And let me tell you… I went down faster than my teenage self on a second date. D.O.W.N… hard.

In the afternoon, I took them to an ice cream shop. All was well, until Kid#3 starts to lose his mind… for no reason other than being healthy, well-provided for and alive, obviously. Thrashing, kicking, spitting his sweet breathed venom at me. Whatever… I threw him under my arm like a seasoned boss. Just in time for Kid #2 to pour his melted ice cream juice all over himself. He too starts losing his mind. He’s frantic, as his Toddler OCD kicks in, and he needs to wash his hands… NOW. And this spill was no job for napkins. So I did what any self-respecting mother would do, I told him to wash his hands in the dog water bowl on the ground curtesy of the nice ice cream people. Winning! With two kids circling down into the 7th circle of tantrum hell, I had no idea where Boy#1 was. He’s a smart kid though, so I just assumed he’d crawled under a rock somewhere.

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But in the end, it’s amazing how the tides of motherhood change, non? We ate a healthy dinner. Laughed. Sang songs. Played hide n’ seek. Went for a bike ride. A dip in the pool. Story time. Ending yet another day with sweet warm snuggles until they were limp in my arms, all of the day’s fuckeries behind us… replaced only by the sounds of their sweet breathing, and my bursting heart.

Motherhood is a funny thing. It’s a daily dance that evokes a multitude of emotions. Some days go by without incident. Other days are a gong show. Anyone who follows my blog knows that for me, it’s the gong-show days that I feel are especially important to talk about. It’s not that my children are always misbehaved, wild or out of control. Not at all. It’s rather about the alternative. If we only ever share the “good” side of motherhood… the perfect pictures and perfect stories, then we risk creating a maternal community based on deception and lies; which then results in feelings of inadequacy and judgement. We see this A LOT on popular mom forums. I try to keep it real. That’s not to say that every kid shoves cat food down the vent. Nor does mine on any given Sunday. But some days… THOSE days… happen to the best of us. It’s par for the motherhood course. And it’s surviving “those” days that earn us a perfect A++ Mom Score… especially when we’re willing to share them with fellow Moms.
So keep sharing. Keep talking. We’re all in this together.

Cheers, Red Whino
Feel free to “share” the love and laughter this page has to offer. Also follow me on Facebook for more of my useless daily thoughts on motherhood and life in general. Xo

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